imisstony.com

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Apprehension

One more day of work. One last pay check after five years of weekly pay checks.

I can't quite put my finger on what I'm feeling right now. It's not quite happiness though. I feel ill prepared for such an undertaking. What I hate the most is my inability to get excited about the trip. Anytime I discuss it with someone, I have a look of extreme discomfort on my face. I think as I start my travels, I'll have to really figure out what my objective is. I probably won't start thinking seriously about this trip until I'm in the middle of it. Screwy. I don't know what to feel about the whole thing, I've never done anything like this. Every step is unknown. I may be focusing on the negative but that's just the way I prepare. I need to know the risks, assess the possibilities of bad things happening, and figure out how I'm going to deal with it. People try to reassure me all of the time. 'You're going to meet so many people, see so many things, etc. etc.' Well, hell, I can deal with that. I'm not worried about the amazing experiences I'll have. I'm not worried about how much fun I'm going to have. You get what I'm saying? So until then, pardon the frown on my face when you ask me whether I'm excited about the trip.

Right now I'm dealing with giving up (or putting on hold, I should say) everything I had going for me here, everything I was working to obtain, every goal I was trying to reach. I'm dealing with leaving family, friends, colleagues. If you know me, you know I pride myself in being there for people (yes, there are times when I'm too caught up but we all get caught up). And now I'm taking off.

Not having ties to much of anything or anyone is allowing me to take this opportunity right now... but honestly, I can't wait to make some ties when I get back.

3 Responses to “Apprehension”

  1. # Blogger Rubi

    In the words of the musical genius Stevie Wonder, "Don't you worry about a thing" I'll be excited for you. So, there! Now when people ask, "are you excited?" you can tell them, "no, I got my peeps covering that. I only handle practicality."  

  2. # Blogger Rubi

    Oh, and then you can add after a slight pause "... it's part of my charm." then you can either end with a hysterical laugh, a suave like 007 wink of the eye and sip of the martini, or a random scooby doo ending for a confused response.  

  3. # Anonymous Tony

    Genius Rubi, genius.  

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filmgen@yahoo.com A 29 yr old filmmaker from California traveled through Europe, Africa, Asia, and Australia/NZ over ten months from April 2007 to March 2008.



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    TRAVEL ITINERARY

    2007
    April 6:
    Cuba
    April 30:
    France
    England
    Scotland
    Ireland
    Netherlands
    Poland
    Czech Republic
    June 3:
    Spain
    June 20:
    Switzerland
    June 22:
    Russia
    June 27:
    Germany
    June 30:
    Italy
    July 22:
    Greece
    Egypt
    August 9:
    India
    August 27:
    Japan
    September 10:
    China
    October 3:
    Thailand
    October 30:
    Vietnam/Cambodia
    December 3:
    Australia

    2008
    January 23:
    New Zealand
    February 26:
    Hawaii
    March 1:
    California
    Spring:
    Florida, North Carolina,
    New York, England, Spain

    2009
    December 29:
    Iceland
    January 9:
    New York City
    January 17:
    Washington D.C.
    February 18:
    California
    March 18-23:
    New Orleans


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