I'm back in California after a month long stay in Washington, D.C. I'd gone out to New York and D.C. to visit some of my east coast friends, attend Barack Obama's inauguration, and to wait for word on a job opportunity. I had a nice time hanging out with friends I don't get to see very often, got really lucky and scored tickets to the inauguration, and made my first visit to Baltimore. (Thanks for showing me around Danny)
The job opportunity didn't pan out so I'm joining the 11 million unemployed Americans trying to sniff out work wherever it is. The big trip left me with an enormous amount of debt and I've had some tough days, reflecting on my decision to leave my job in 2007 to discover some of the planet's incredible sights and experiences. There are days when I feel blessed and amazed that I was able to do it. But more recently, there are many days where I wonder if it was a mistake or perhaps bad timing. It's certainly a life experience which will reveal its benefits in hindsight. Right now, the panic over paying my bills is quickly overshadowing the nostalgia.
On my solo journey to places unknown, I embraced being lost. That unknown made me fearless and full of curiousity, hunger, and adventure. Back home, I'm lost again but now I'm full of anxiety, hopelessness, and worry. Home is where one is meant to feel safe. I do not feel safe. I feel dependent. I'm thankful for friends and family who have housed and fed me but my stupid pride makes every couch more uncomfortable and every bite less palatable.
But I'll swallow it. I'll swallow my pride and ride this low out like the rest of the world during these grim times. I just hope you'll forgive my ever-glum mood and humor me as I continue to ask to crash on your couches while I wander around the country, looking for work and my independence.